i have looked at all the other guides on how to fix this problem and they all aren't working so whats going on is that its saying that the plugin is not loaded and i have Oxide.References.dll installed mt server hosting service dose not let me drag and drop dll files in so they just provide it and its still not workig so can anyone help

Oxide.References isn't what needs to be installed as that is provided by Oxide already. You need to install the Discord Extension DLL provided here: https://umod.org/extensions/discord